Becoming Happier and Healthier

In a way I’m kind of scared to post this. I’m worried what people will think of me when they see what I looked like at my heaviest. What they will think about the fact that I lost all that weight. The “wow, you look so good” and “you lost weight!” comments echo in my head. I know the intentions behind these comments are well-meaning, but they sting each time I hear them. Comments someone who has stayed a steady weight their whole life never have to hear. I’m proud of myself, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not necessarily proud of the weight loss in and of itself. I’m proud that I learned to enjoy exercise because I enjoy hiking and dancing and being an active person, and I’m proud that I can be a healthier person. I’m proud of the shift to happiness after years of depression that allowed me to break out of my high school habits and into a more active lifestyle. This was who I was in high school. I did not get a lot of mean comments, and all of my friends consistently stated that I was beautiful. I found clothes I liked eventually. I still have a lot of work to do for myself. Its hard to look back like this and constantly think about how high school might have been better if I had just been smaller. But I’ve learned so much from it. It was a physical representation of how much my depression was affecting me. It was still my body. It doesn’t hurt to look back because I hate how I looked. It hurts to look back because I see the joy in peoples eyes to see that I “overcame” how I looked, when in fact they should be joyous to see that I really overcame my depression.

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